Fall Feelings

It’s December, and I am in shorts and a tank top.  Christmas is a few weeks away, I have already bought so many presents, but I am not feeling the joy of the season.

Growing up in the North, I miss experiencing different seasons. I thought that now having an endless summer would help avoid the weather mood swings: I was wrong.

High School in New York:

Summer: My favorite.  The sun, the warmth, and no school!  Worked a lot, but made money. Adventures with my two best friends through waterfalls and malls. My mood ~ I could usually make it through the day with a smile and laughs, but nights always came with crying for no reason.

Fall: Soccer season. Hours of practice and games. Surrounding myself with a team who didn’t really like me. Adjusting to the routine of school. Early mornings and late nights. My mood ~ disappointment in myself, lonely, and hardly sleeping.

Winter: Basketball season. Even more hours of practice. Snow, ice, and long days. Midterms and winter vacation. Family visits and lots of food. My mood ~ cold, tired, and hopeless.

Spring: Softball season. Recovering from the harsh winter. Snow would surprise us every now and then, but the flowers and birds would come around too. Bright green would replace the dead brown grass and trees. My mood ~ a little more upbeat because warmer and end of school close by; but still sad nights.

College in Florida:

All the seasons are the same.  There is always sun, warmth, and school. I was hoping to achieve a more positive look, like I did in summer at home. But instead I figured out that the weather does effect my mood, but not as much as the night.  And I can never escape the tired thoughts that consume me as I lay awake.


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